I believe I last left you on Saturday, wondering how I was going to get through the weekend because I didn't get the steroid pack that my nurse said she was going to prescribe for me. I was racking my brain trying to think of ways to help the pain besides ice it and lay down (My icemaker by the way is now perpetually out of ice). I was also still taking tramadol, ibuprofen, and Tylenol. My grandparents had guests in town and there were a lot of plans to go out, but unfortunately I had to stay home alone. I wanted my husband and my son to be able to go and try to have fun even though I couldn't go with them. It sucked, but I knew after my weekend with the graduation and everything, I needed to cool it.
Sunday morning I woke up with still some inflammation and pain coursing down my leg, though not as bad as before. I could stand up and move myself to the couch. It was just a blessing to be able to be there with my family. It takes a hit to my ego to have to ask my husband to do with things that I had always been the one to do. Its not that I'm some Susie homemaker that doesn't believe men should do anything else but go to work and come home and rest... But I was tired of not contributing. I have been doing some office work from home... Still I felt useless. I know that's ridiculous, because I know that I am healing and that is my first job right now, but it sucks sometimes.
The thing that changed in my pain regimen that day is on top of ice, I took a 500 mg naproxen tablet along with my 50mg tramadol that morning. Three hours later took another Tramadol because I wanted to be able to go to the park with my son my husband and my cousin. The only reason I allowed myself this was because I was bringing a blanket and I could lay down in the grass flat on my back and do a little bit of natural traction. There aren't many public places you can go where you can just lay down wherever you want.
The park was abandoned. I found a nice spot of shade underneath a very large tree close to the playground and spread the blanket out. I slowly got down without bending or twisting and layed flat on my back. I was able to watch my husband, my son, and my cousin play on the playground. Every once a while my son would come bounding toward me to give me hugs and kisses.
When I was alone I looked up into the tree branches that were waving in the wind which was pretty heavy that day. The sun was also filtering through the tree, which had a very nice effect for me laying on the ground. I began to sing songs that came to mind - songs that we sing in church. Of course it was a cappella and I think my husband could probably barely hear me, but it was therapeutic and I felt God spending time with me. I could focus so clearly - the words that came out of my mouth were purely heartfelt. Sometimes you get to place where all you can do is lift up your arms and just surrender yourself.
At this point I felt thoroughly relaxed. My son was getting tired and hungry, so we decided we should probably go find some food. We don't have many groceries in the house, since have been living on ordered food or the kindness of others that had brought food to us.
We decided on a deli place that would be very quick and I wouldn't have to worry about the discomfort of sitting for very long. We placed our orders and I was feeling okay. I was able to stand with not a huge amount of pain. When we sat however the pain started zooming up my leg to my glute area especially.
Luckily I was able to prop my feet up on the other side of the booth and lean back which gave me some relief. I had enough relief to be able to finish my meal quickly and be able to leave without a big ordeal.
Driving, surprisingly, isn't too terrible if I am able to lay back my seat all the way down. I also put my feet up on the dashboard. I know this isn't the safest way to drive but I can't sit the regular way for very long at all.
I had some soreness after that excursion but I took another naproxen and I was able to get through the rest of my day without a huge amount of pain because I laid down and I took care of my back with ice.
Then comes Monday. I wake up at 6:45 AM to help dress Milo up on my bed as my husband got ready for work. This has been the first day since my surgery that I've been able to do this. Before, my husband would bring Milo into our bed and he would bring a change of a diaper and his clothes for the day and I would put everything on him and snuggle with him while my husband did last minute things to get ready. I was thrilled that I was able to do this and spend more time with my precious son which I have missed very much. I do get to see him every day, but I still feel like I'm missing out because he's growing up so fast and every day I seems to slip through my fingers.
After they left, I grabbed a piece of banana bread and I took my naproxen and tramadol meds for the day. The reason I had avoided the naproxen prescribed to me for so long (which was prescribed to me back in September 2012 and mind you now it is May 2013) is because it made me very nauseous. I didn't care this time if I could get more relief (the nurse still hadn't called back about anything including the steroid pack) When I had seen it sitting in my medicine cabinet the day before I figured it was worth a try since it was the only thing I hadn't tried since surgery.
I got to work doing my mostly data entry since that is most of what i have for work amongst the things that I had to do here at home. I had an icepack behind me, my legs propped up, laying down, with my laptop. Every hour so I would get up and walk around a little bit.
The first time I walked for an extended period of time was 15 minutes are just around my house. I kept waiting for the searing pain in my calf and glute to come but it didn't. I just feel an intense weakness in my upper back and sort of a burning feeling in my muscles from holding myself up for longer than I had in a while.
I got back to my duties and did some more work, alternating between walking and laying back down. Finally this afternoon, I decided it was time to test my limits and see if I could make my way down the street and back. I began singing again to God as i slowly walked. I miss worshiping with my friends and family at church and I have been having lots of private prayer and worship time with Him and my husband in lieu of it.
I kept waiting for the pain to come. I think after back surgery you're always afraid that it's going to come back and it's going to be worse than I was before. I had already backslid once and I was just waiting for it to come again, But this time I had a calm. The weather was cool and everything was quiet except the wind in the trees. I came to the end of the street and I had very minimal pain in my glute area, but nothing like I had experienced before. I chatted with a neighbor that was outside doing yardwork for about 10 minutes before I made my way back up to my house.
When I looked at my cell phone I realized that I had been outside walking or standing for 30 minutes. I hadn't been able to do that since last fall without an amazing amount of pain going down my leg.
What is this showing me? I think it's showing me that there's hope. I think that this is showing me that when you have the faith of a mustard seed that you can move mountains. I certainly dont have perfect faith, I'm still scared. But now I have hope. I think hope is what Faith needs in order to grow.